It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
