Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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