I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
