Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
