i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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