Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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