omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
