Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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