its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
