Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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