Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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