he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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