You smell like a Billy Joel song
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i dont even know how to be here
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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