I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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