omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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