you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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