OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
