I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize