I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
