At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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