Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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