He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
