I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Found the puke drawer
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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