I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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