If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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