I puked a lego.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
