So drunk its hurt
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
