I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
