i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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