Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
