I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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