I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
