Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
