I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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