Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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