I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
