explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
