We're like a lot better than the average bears
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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