yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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