Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
