I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
