You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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