Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
