i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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