Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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