My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
