You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
