I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
