I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
