pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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