You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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