Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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