ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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