so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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