Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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