I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I supernannyed him into submission
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