Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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