We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
