i would punch a child for taco bell
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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