Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
