And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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