So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
