Kiss
Puke
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
