I faked an abortion last night.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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