Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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