she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize