I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
