Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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