My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
