i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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