you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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