nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
