we made out on top of his cat.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
