Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
