Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
