I just made out with a guy for $7.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize