just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
