did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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