Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
