It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize