i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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