I'm really into asian looking animals
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
